The Demon Lover

There were strange things moving in the dark, last night. One of the first clear, cold nights of the winter, and one of the few nights you could see nearly to the treeline.

I say things, because there seemed to be too much of it to be any one thing, Tall, thin, dark, and the only way you could see any movement was the strange flicker, with flashes of pallor in the moonlight.

I told no one of this. I'm not sure if I was hallucinating, or if there was something in the woods.

But aside for my personal mental deterioration, I'm determined to keep researching the interconnected figures to this millpond man, and the man in the woods.

I remember seeing mentioned in the manuscript, and some of the files on the project archive website, was this concept of a "Demon Lover". In fact, Sir Water Scott has a version of this ballad in his writings of folk ballads of England and Scotland.

At first glance, I deemed it fatuous. But as I kept skimming over the literature, and the compilations of the original stories, there were unnerving parallels that persist through the narratives.

The original tale of the Demon Lover is told through the narrative lens of the Lover himself. He seems to be a strange, obssessive figure who comes by sea to return to a long-lost lover, who has since been wed off to a carpenter.

Now, she had originally pledged her love to this Demon Lover, a sailor figure, but when he had departed for distant shores for some undetermined amount of time (the amount varies between stories, it seems), she instead opted to take a new lover, who became her husband and the father of her child.

Now, it appears that she was quite enthused by the idea of her original lover, the demon, to promise her riches from foreign lands, and adventure, excitement, etc. But after he left, she instead sought security and stability in the human carpenter. These themes are pretty recognizable-- a human who has pledged fealty or love to a water demon, who promises prosperity in return for their loyalty.

At first, I was pretty prepared to skim these over as superficially similar folkish stories, But then several versions of the ballad struck a very uncanny note. They reference the Demon Lover suddenly becoming monstrous with her rejection, and his retaliation is to take the both of them back to Hell, where he came from.

But even stranger is his physical transformation.

And as she turned herself roundabout,
So tall and tall he seemed to be,
Until the tops of that gallant ship
No taller were than he.

And he struck the topmast with his hand,
The main mast with his knee,
And he broke that shining ship in two
And he dashed it into the bottom of the sea.

The Demon Lover becomes as tall as the masts of a ship, and he wrecks the ship single-handedly,  This strength and height is very reminiscent of the stories of the Millpond Man, and The Man in the Woods, who seemed to be as tall as the trees.

This Demon Lover has also been catalogued in a number of alternately titled folk ballads, also called The Carpenter's Wife, The Housecarpenter, as well as James Harris, which is what some of the ballads call the Demon Lover.

Another very uncanny, very strange and chilling note in these versions. Bob Dylan borrowed this folk ballad, and turned it into The Man in the Long Black Coat, transposing the story to Appalachain America, and the story is told through the eyes of the jilted husband, who learns his wife has been spirited away by this Demon Lover.

The man in the long black coat.

One description is so vivid and so arresting that it never leaves my head.

Somebody seen him hanging around
At the old dance hall on the outskirts of town,
He looked into her eyes when she stopped to ask
If he wanted to dance, he had a face like a mask.
Somebody said from the Bible he'd quote
There was dust on the man
In the long black coat.

A face like a mask. Every time I  think on this, the picture I found on my phone sears through my head, The manlike shape by the tree.

Here's a version of Dylan's song:

And a version of Demon Lover, sung by contemporary artists, but through the traditional ballad format.

People, especially people who are vulnerable in society, who make a pact with unsavory power figures. And when they can't make good on their promises with these inherently unbalanced demands, the demon figure kills them, or takes their soul, and in general robs them of being in the realm of regular society.

I'm here.

It is cold, and getting colder.

It's strange, being here again. The towns never change. The houses never change. Some have lights on their porches and trees. They are tired, and grim, and their lights seem sad rather than joyful.

But mostly it's dark. There are hardly any street lamps out here, and they don't do much to light anything.

The days are cluttered with fat bellied rain and snow clouds that fly across the sky, and the sun sinks below fiery horizons.

There are strange noises, in the woods at dark. You can feel eyes on you, most nights.

Being here in this town, these small villages bleeding one into the other, I am reminded of a friend from my college city pleading with me to go to the doctor. After she heard about me hallucinating dark shapes, my mild psychosis prompting me to paranoia, walking with a knife out after dark.

"You could be dying," she said. "Please." She wasn't wrong/

I'll be going to the millpond, fairly soon.

Stranger still

Maybe it's topical,or maybe I'm morbidly amused by the bizarre connotations I keep unearthing regarding these water demons.

Remember how all these water demons from Germanic/Anglo/Scandinavian countries all hail by some variation of  "nykyr"?

According to some anthropologists and linguists, Old Saint Nick was in fact most likely derived from these ancient water demons. "Old Nick" wasn't just a reference to the Devil, but in some cultures, in some communities, there was a hazy line between the devil, demons, and a powerful figure that swept in at the end of the year demanding reckoning.

Where part of the pagan ritual to assure the prosperity of the New Year was to offer it sacrifices, and in return you would either get riches, or if it was displeased with you, in some cases it would simply steal your goddamn children.

"Krampus" of the ancient Austrian folk tales isn't a far cry from the "nykyrs". Black Peter would whip or punish, sometimes take away naughty children. With every benevolent "Saint Nick" figure, there is a bizarre, accompanying punitive figure who doles out your fortunes, according to the behavior of the children. They were a reflection of the community, after all. If your children were disobedient and wild, it was a sign your community was lacking.

I feel like I'm seeing this as a theme, over and over again. You don't give the devil the payment due, he'll simply take it from you. Often in the form of your future-- your children.

So is this was happened to the communities that were desperate enough to believe in this strange, Janus type figure? They would gamble with their lives by making deals with this thing, and then if they didn't pay, they would be punished.

A strange kind of later winter ritual. In a time where we think of it as a cuddly, wam time of year, it must have been a terrible strain on pre-Christian communties.

Smith's Mills

That's where I was. Smith's Mills. I didn't recognize the area until I dug up this vid on my phone. Clumps of scrub look pretty similar until you come across a landmark that puts it into perspective.

I was in Smith's Mills for those 2 weeks. Or, some of those two weeks, I can't be sure.

But whatever I was doing, I was panicked. Panicked and sick. Out by the old spring-fed pools that flow through the town, down into the millpond. Would these explain the bruises and scratches I was covered with?

I wonder. Did I leave the archives box in or near the town somewhere? And my research journal? I have to get that back.

It's getting to be that time of year where families, no matter how fragmented and dysfunctional they may be, want to force themselves together. When I go to visit my hometown, I might go to Smith's Mills, see if I left anything behind. See if I can find anything new.

Maybe this sounds like a bad idea. Maybe I should be frightened. I'm an old hand at fear. I barely remembers what it feels like to be surprised at being afraid.

I feel my being dance from ear to ear

Alright, so setting aside the strange man thing in the woods, and the fact that I was apparently wandering in the woods in a compromised cognitive state, this is probably among the weirdest videos I've found on my phone.

Why the hell is there a computer in the woods? What is that sound in the background? Is that something mechanical, or electrical?

If I took this video, where did I find that thing? It's not mine. I don't even know what brand that computer is. It looks like a brick. Is there something important on it?

Maybe if I can find where this is, find out where that computer is... maybe I can figure out what the hell has been happening.

The lowly worm crawls up the winding stair

I have a few more videos to post, but of course my internet has to be clogged up. 'Tis the season.

But I've found some more details about Prof. Braunmuller. I didn't have a chance to get onto campus over the weekend-- not that anyone would have been there anyway, and at this point it's kind of imperative to engage in the human element to prise information out about this.

I managed to actually get some details out of one of the grad students who happens to be a teaching assistant for one of the more senior professors here. I ran into her in the library on campus, and I think I have to thank the hideousness of finals week for her lack of discretion. She has mounds of final exams to correct from the freshman classes, poor girl.

Anyway, it turns out that her supervising professor knew Braunmuller. And knew about Braunmuller's work. And it sounds like whatever happened was simply not pleasant.

Prof Braunmuller was a visiting professor at the university I'm in. He was apparently attached for a few years to teach a few specialized, graduate level anthropology courses, and was helping bulk up the publications of the anthro dept in this subfield, focused around folklore and linguistics.

Apparently he was a good professor, and a good guy to work for. But something went wrong on his last field excursion-- what I'm guessing was Smith's Mills-- and he resigned from his position, and dropped completely out of contact with the university. (Maybe I'll just casually name check Smith's Mills sometime at one of the senior profs, see their reaction.)

The TA I spoke to didn't have much more detail than that. Most of what she was telling me was stuff she overheard her professor talking about with another senior professor. But there was some kind of hushed implication dropped that it didn't end well for the graduate researcher attached to Prof. Braunmuller's project, either. I'm not sure how bad it was, but from what the TA said, it sounded like he left his studies as well.

She didn't say if there was anything criminal involved, but if there were I anticipate I should have found something a lot more official on it. From what I remember of the documents in the archive, what they were dealing with was children kidnapping, and it's entirely possible there was a real element to that. Who knows.

Of course, one last thing. Apparently Braunmuller had a pretty extensive academic collection, and kept a lot of it in archive. When he left the university, he left in a hurry, as in most of his stuff was gone literally overnight. But some of it had been left behind, and the university held onto it probably for legal reasons.

But hearing that made a bell go off in my head. Is that where I found the special archive collection box from? Was this part of Prof/ Braunmuller's private collection?

And most importantly. what the fuck did I do with it?

I'll try to get the other videos out today. I'm frustrated, and tired, but I need to keep going.

Phone update

Another picture on my phone, from the 2 weeks I was out of it.

I think I know this place. I think I've seen this tree.

But something's bothering me.

I realize the pic is a little blurred, but that figure... is that a man? Is this the same figure from the millpond picture in the archives? I don't recall seeing whatever that guy is, but there's little I do recall from the past few weeks.

I have the chills. I'm not sure if I'm scared or if this is an aura. I cannot let this feed into my paranoia, I have too much work to do.

Braunmuller update

Taking a break from the videos, because I'm really kind of freaking out about them. Where the hell was I, and why is my memory of that time so thoroughly fucked? I mean, I know my episodes mess with my memory, but I've never had such an extended period where I've had such impaired memory.

I've been poking around campus departments, trying to see if I can find any leads on the researchers from the archives box. I tried the anthropology department, but most of the senior faculty are off right now doing conferences, or just unavailable because it's so close to the end of the semester.

I did manage to talk to one of the secretaries of the anthropology department. I think she's been there for a good 15 or so years, so I figured there was a chance she might have known at least about Professor Braunmuller.

When I asked her if anyone with that name had been faculty there, she sort of got this tightness around her mouth, and she started messing around on her computer. She said something sort of under her breath, like, "Great, here we go again."

I wasn't really sure what she meant by that, but she definitely didn't seem interesting in talking any more, so I thanked her and left.

But I did manage to find another staff worker under one of the research institutes affiliated with the department. She let me check out the indices and of the corpora produced or co-produced by the institute.

And Braunmuller was there. He was named as a co-author to an article written by one of the senior faculty, about local folk lore and Germanic philology. It didn't mention if he were a scholar under the institute or part of the university, or another, but he was there. But by the time I managed to find this, all of the staff were heading home.

This might sound kind of far fetched, but I do wonder if I do some kind of search on different iterations of the university's web pages going back through the years, maybe I can find more mention of Braunmuller. And I'll have to see if I can hunt down more people who might have known Braunmuller.

Oh god, and my own research. I have to do summaries and stuff to prove I've made progress (and not disappeared for two weeks) due before the end of next week. And I have to follow up on the local interviews I've done.

Maybe I can do a few more over the winter break. See if I can dig up anybody else who knows about the man in the woods, or the millpond man.

Video updates

 I'm sorry guys, the meds that the doctor's put me on are messing with my head. This is the first time today I've been somewhere alert enough to prioritize. (And you can see my word choice is also kind of messed up.)

I'm finally getting around to uploading those videos over the past few weeks. I can't say that any of them will be relevant or make sense, but I promised I would link them anyway.

Speaking of which, here's the first fairly inexplicable video. I have no idea what or where this is. Even my sense of perspective is skewed on this, I can't tell if it's up or down or sideways or what.

Research log 12 (probably)

-Results of search on research group.
-Lit review: Old Nick
-Link to further review: Demon Lover.
-Pictures on phone.

Research Group

Well, I didn't find much in the way of professional work regarding the researchers, which is really weird. At least one of them should have had a very explicit record of publication, given he was a professor, and the senior researcher should have had a fairly accessible corpus of work, if she was a staff researcher.

Nothing. No bodies of work, anyway. I found their names attached to a few conferences and school functions, but otherwise it looks like they've been pretty systemically taken out of any kind of digital records. It's possible their work is archived in the department? But that seems kind of weird. I'll ask anyway.

Maybe I can ask some of the senior faculty and staff if they remember any of these people. Granted, I don't have a specific time period, but I'm guessing before 1995-ish. But it's just bizarre for someplace as fairly stable and vocal as academia to have a void where people used to be.

Lit review

In other research news, I've been continuing on with the literature review trying to find connections with the Man in the Woods. A good friend of mine went out of his way to translate a journal article dealing with some of the previous folkish and mythological figures, specifically the nicors, or "nickers". The article was written in German, so definitely the native tongue to which at least the settlers who spoke about The Man in the Woods belonged.

But it came up with an extremely interesting comparison between two seemingly unconnected figures in folklore. One the water demon type that I've spoken about at length, and the other a figure called "old Nick", by whom the appellation was given by the English, as a kind of loan demon from Germanic cultures.

More interestingly is the article's tenuous link between comparing the old folk figures of the nicors, and the Old Nick that is called by way of referring to the Devil. Now, why is this interesting? Because originally, cultures that were originally polytheistic often considered these water demons as kinds of vengeful gods, extremely malignant, and often considered a kind of analog for the Judeo Christian Devil, especially since these water demons required human sacrifices to be sated.
Here's a few pieces from the article.

" I'd like to assume that Old Nick is the initial name as long as Old Harry can't be connected with a different demon creature. The third name Davy only seemed to be chosen to cover the word devil up, which is why overanxious minds precautionally added Jones just to make sure.
Sea monsters, that would turn into the devil, may be relieved by one of the symbolic tales of „Bestiary“. (ca. 1350)"

"If we now dismiss Old Nick and his suspected ancestors, another question raises: „What does the metal Nickel  have to do with evil ghosts or even with the old good Nicholas? As unlikely as it may sound, the old metal Nickel has indeed shared the same fate like the English namesake."

I mentioned before that I grew up near Smith's Mills, the town in northern NY that the researchers from the previous project did their study on. Growing up, I did hear a good deal about "Old Nick," which until recently I had no idea had such links to these water demon figures. So there's a pretty strong linguistic and cultural current of this kind of figure, and I guess it further cements this Man in the Wood's motivations.

Also, "Old Nick" links, to some degree, with a reference I found in the manuscript from previous research. They mentioned a figure of the Demon Lover. I'll need to look into that.

Phone

Finally, I will be looking at the pictures and videos on my phone tonight. I'm really not sure how much of it, if any, will be relevant. And to be honest, I'm a little... ashamed. Probably some of these will be me acting weird because of my medical condition, and I don't much like exposing that part of myself.

University library today. If any of the researchers did any professional work here, or coauthored a paper with another scholar here, there's a really good chance I'll find records of them. I'll try to wrap up what I find bytonight. Posting from phone right now.

I know I promised to upload the videos that I found on the phone, but in between catching up on my school and work committments (try explaining why you disappeared for two weeks to two different employers), going to the doctor, and in general trying to keep the little shreds of my life together, I've barely had time to look at them myself.

I also kind of don't want to. Me alone in unfamiliar woods, not knowing why or how I got there is in general something that scares the hell out of me. But it's probably important, especially considering I'm tryng to be mindful of how much my brain is cannibalizing itself, and what activities I get up to while not in the right state of mind.

Still have not found my research journal, which I am kicking myself over. I take that thing everywhere, it's literally habit by now. But give the past two weeks, it's a small victory I'm even alive.

Sent from my iPhone

Update

Okay, here we go. I'm going to post here, see if I can put my head together.

Chat last night. That went... well, better and worse than I anticipated. It's really kind of hard to keep your shit together when you've been hallucinating all night, but kudos for the guys who showed up to stay with me. I would not blame anyone for bailing on me, at a time like that.

Emma. My God, Em, if you're reading this, I'm so sorry. About everything. I had no idea you were checking this blog, let alone actively mounting an unofficial search party for me. But still, thanks for not actually calling the police for a welfare check, and I do mean that. I do not want to deal with authorities, least of all when I've been of dubiously stable mental health.

I say mental health, but it's really physical. Neurological, to be precise. I get these periods where I have these... episodes. And I lose time, I don't know where I am. Even if I've been to this place a million times, it'll feel like I'm on an alien planet. And everything is hostile. See this, all this tidy black type preceding me? Emotional and mental lability. I'm not in a good place, but my mind is currently having no problem producing words and being relatable and sympathetic.

Enough about my problems, let's talk about actual progress, because I am not equipped to deal with my problems.

Directions to look into:

1.) Smith's Mills. The town that the researchers from the special archives box were conducting their research. Good lord, but the last thing I would have expected is that Smiths Mills is actually a familiar place. Or, at least I think it is, there's a lot of little mill places up north that are very similar. But if I'm not wrong, Smith's Mills is a little village in a township next to the one I grew up in. I'm tamping down a creeping sense of panic. Why,why, why would it be so close to me? I don't understand.

2.) The researchers. As someone in chat pointed out last night, that archive website actually has some record of the researcher's names on there. Frederick Braunmuller, John Dooley, and Marcia Rabinowicz. Considering I found their archive box in a library nearby my university, there's a good chance these researchers were at least from the Capital area. But maybe not; maybe the primary investigator (probably Braunmuller) just had colleagues in the Capital District, and left his work here. I don't know. At any rate, I'll be going on an academic resources hunt to see if I can find anything about them.

2a.) Specifically, a good direction to look into is see if these people personally had been having any problems like I've been encountering, and professionally if their work dealt at all with symbology, things like that. Maybe they can shed some light onto.... whatever this is.

3.) My phone and camera. As someone helpfully pointed out last night, maybe I actually took pictures or something when I kind of... lost contact with myself. Which, at first I thought was absurd, but then I realized they have a very good point, because I do have a habit of recording myself when I feel an episode coming on. Why you ask? Posterity. In case whatever is going on with me can be extrapolated by a professional with video evidence. Plus, I lack insight during these events. They catalogue my stupidity. At any rate, once I get some energy and... desire, I guess, I'll look through and see what I can find. Maybe I'll find something out about what I was doing, where I went. Anything. I'll put them up for others to see, as well.

4.) The man in the woods. The millpond man. They're connected, I feel it. If not through direct cultural links, then at least by similar patterns of cultural evolution, or a shared semantical history. The same way you can find almost exact replicas of old folktales scattered all throughout European countries, I have this sensation that the man in the woods I've been hearing about in my interviews here, is somehow linked to the millpond man from Smith's Mills. I'll need to do more digging, come across the right combination of search parameters.

5.) Keep better track of myself. I do have a doctor's appointment scheduled for this week, so... there's that. But how exactly do you bring up to a professional that you've been more or less out of it for two weeks? Someone on chat mentioned that I might start recording where I go anyway, just so that I have a record. It's definitely a thought, something I might consider doing. Emma suggested a GoPro, probably jokingly, which I had to look up, but at least the idea isn't a bad one. For now I can keep my phone in a breast pocket or whatever.

Conclusion: for my next definite step, I think I'm going to be doing a search for the researchers. It's getting to be that time of year where families want to get together and do family things, regardless of how messed up and dysfunctional they are the rest of the year. At some point, I'm probably going to be doing my pilgrimage up north to visit kinfolk. So I'll probably check out Smith's Mills while I'm at it.

.... As a final note, anybody out there, please keep in touch. Any kind of contact is better than nothing. I'm not sure if I can trust myself entirely.

As above, so below

Probable symbol completion. "As above, so below", in the supernatural studies, or even in ancient scientific studies, indicated a kind of reciprocation inside a system across multiple scales. This reciprocity usually was one of form.

I'll do some more thinking over this symbol. But one of the chat participants tonight mentioned the "as above, so below" might have something to do with "the man in the woods" (above) corresponding with "the millpond man" (below). 

It's a definite line of thought to look into.

Reminder of the public chat in about 10 minutes.

Public chat tonight at 10:00 EST.

http://tinychat.com/bridean

Public chat is tentatively scheduled for tomorrow night, around 10 EST. Broadcast details to follow at some point.

I'll be answering questions anybody has about my research and anything I've found so far, and I'll be accepting anything you've found as well.

Research has been going well.

I definitely feel like I've made progress.

Within the next few days, I'm going to be opening a public chat. I've seen that this research has garnered some interest, so I'd like to open up a chat for a review findings session.

People will have a chance to ask questions and share their views, and I can explain more of the background, and any other issues people bring up.

I apologize in advance if I seem a little off, at that point.

My head is killing me.